Warhammer 40k: The Emperor Wakes Up
by MindthatGap
Summary: The God Emperor of Mankind wakes up... and he is confused.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Warhammer 40,000 or any of its characters, terms, etc. It all belongs to Games Workshop.

"You suddenly wake up. You look around you and see various guys with pointy sticks and funny outfits. You are puzzled, who are you, and how did you get here? And why are you jammed into some massive life support machine of some kind? And why are tiny people being fed to you? And how the fuck do you know all of this? And-"

"Okay random voice in my mind, you can STFU now please."

"You tell me to shut the fuck up, or as you simpilifed it to, STFU."

"OK you are really starting to creep the fuck out of me, so please, go away."

The voice fell silent.

Several of the funny guys around you notice that you were talking. Chaos erupts around the room.

" SHITTTTTTTERR he's awake!" one of the random men shouts before running out of the room in terror.

"What! What?" another man shouts while running around randomly until he hits a wall.

"Someone contact the High Lords! The Ad Mech! Hell, even the Imperial Guard! Get someone the FUCK DOWN HERE!" someone shouts.

"You feel like you have kicked the bee's nest."

"Whoa whoa whoa! Time out!" the Emperor yells.

Suddenly time does stop.

"Okay seriously random voice in my head, is this gonna become a regular thing?"

"You get no response. Sort of. Heh."

"Oh well, now what should I do?" the Emperor wonders aloud.

"You suddenly remember how everyone was panicking, and realize they must be trying to keep you imprisoned."

"But why are the keeping me imprisoned then... and feeding me humans... and how do I know why they're called humans?"

"You must be having a massive case of amnesia."

"Fuck that."

"You should try to escape."

"Please tell me who you are."

"Me?" the voice responds,"I'm your hidden guiding voice that came from all those human shamans you ateee- absorbed, and those other more recent humans."

The voice recommended,"Get the fuck out of here."

"Good idea."

"You stop the time stop, punch the way out of your machine, spit on one of the guys, which somehow melts him."

"Whoa."

"And seriously, random voice of dead people I have eaten, shut the fuck up, not that your infinite wisdom isn't helping me, but your narrating isn't wanted."

...

The Emperor then proceeded to punch a random wall, causing it to topple down-

"You could of just gone through the doorway."

"Oh. Uh. Yeah."

**Whatever Place the High Lords of Terra Gather At (We Really Need to Reduce This Name Sometime Soon, I Mean Really, What the Fuck This Name Is Way Too Long, Reducing the Title Could Probably Save the Imperium, Like, I Dunno, 70 million tons of Space Ink or Whatever the Hell They Do Use in The GrimDarkness of the Grimdark Grimdark Grimdarks And I'm Gonna Stop Now Because, Yeah, You Know... Just a little bit... Okay that's done. But Nothing Really Changes in The Imperium at all though, you know, hell, Nothing Changes at All in the Wh40k Universe as a whole... Hey did you know I spent almost all the Time I've been Doing on This Story So far Writing This Paragraphish thingy PReetty dumbo Righto? Im gonna be real pissed though if I cant copypaste this for future use how do I know All This Stuff Anyway? But, moving On, OH NO DONT PLZ *BLAM*It is done, sires. Well done mah boy, he knew too much. Now, you are truly on a path to the DARK SIDE (and power and cookies)Hey wait. Wrong universe/ Shit they're on to us we should probably get out of here. HEy Everyone, New Guy To Write the Title HEre... Holy Fuck... Im gonnna pretend I didn't see nothing and not Even Try to Correct all this. *BLAM* Do your JOB. Oh wait. I Just Killed HIm. Fuck. *Blam* This cycle Is Gonna go On Forever, Isn't it? *HERESY*... *BLAM*)**

"It is the 45th millenium now gentlemen, and our situation is not any better than before," a shadowy figure said.

"It isn't any worse, I mean, the Tyranid hive fleet Leviathan was defeated by the combined forces of our great Imperium, the Eldar Craftworlds, and a bunch of Orks who were sitting in the territory in the path of the fleet," another shadowy figure answered.

"Oh fuck off dude, you as well as I both now it was Games Workshop's policy of never moving the plot at all that stopped them," the first man said.

A third man butted in,"But anyway... we have to take care of those faggy Tau sometime... the Eldar are too piss busy dying, the Orks fighting.. as usual, the Necrons killing everything in sight even though they're supposed to be harvesting life for their masters, not reducing it nothingness, the Dark Eldar masturbating, the etc etc. We should strike those space commies where it hurts and soon, 'cause someone needs to teach them a major lesson... especially since they're right about up to Ultramar now..."

"Yeah, I say we hit those cocksuckers hard and fast before their space fleet-"

He was suddenly cut off by a messenger boy, panting extremely hard.

"Well spit it out or we'll BLAM you boy!" shouted the shadowy figure.

"My Lords... the Emperor has awaken..."

Author's Note... of some sort

Well... yeah...

I'm probably not gonna update this soon, but I just wanna say I AM POSTAN THIS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEAH

Just letting know why I've been absent... carry on

I'll be back to where I live soon, I can resume normal stuff

*BLAM*

Anyway, what should come next?

1. The Emperor Fucking Freaking Fricking goes on a mass rampage and destroys Terra

2. The Emperor escapes

3. Custom idea


End file.
